I recall the sudden overwhelming sense of failure after
having let go after the technical crux, I had nothing more to give. It was the
last day, my last chance, I had high pointed but there I was flailing through the
air overwhelmed by my inability to reach the chains.
“Success is easy to handle, it is our failures that cause us to search within”
A year and a half later with the possibility to avenge myself I was experiencing that emotion all over again after pumping out, unable to clip when the belay jammed. Finally managing to pull rope, I pulled more than enough only to blow the clip, and flew for 15 meters giving me ample time to experience that sense of failure all over again.
Success is easy to handle, it is our failures that cause us
to search within, that lead us to better understand who we are, where we are
headed, and question why? Character is defined by our ability to cope with
adversity.
Photo Linda Sandgren © 2012 Tielma Productions |
Climbing quickly feeds confidence, there is no time to over
grip or change beta. I suddenly found myself with power remaining in a knee bar
just below the technical crux. Shaking out, I felt good, and after a couple of
pinches managed to pull my right foot onto the tufa my left knee had been
jammed against. I was caressing the rock, holding on gently, conserving for the
upcoming steep moves but as I pushed my center of gravity into the rock my left
foot slipped and I was off again, rejected, gazing out at the Aegean, knowing I
had had my chance. I would return to the knee bar twice more that day only to
grasp desperately for the pocket marking the end of the crux, too tired to
control my execution. With only two days left I needed rest and time was
running out.
Photo Linda Sandgren © 2012 Tielma Productions |
“Projecting is about mental strength manifest in desire and execution”
I awoke, surprised, to clear skies and a cool light breeze
and quickly hurried to meet my companions for the walk up to the grotto.
Sometimes a project can detract from experiencing an area, so I warmed up on a
route I hadn’t previously attempted, relaxing though focusing on reading the
moves. Then I sat, watching the Aegean, listening to Neil Young’s masterpiece
“I am the Ocean” and thought of nothing. I knew I had but one chance to close
the deal and it’s all about finish but you don’t get there by thinking about
that.
Reaching the knee bar before the crux, I shook out, pinched
and made sure my feet would stick before pinching up the fin and gaining the
pocket. The fight was on. Pulling into the steep section above I missed a
sequence and was forced to match a sloper, there was no way I was letting go.
Only once did a detracting thought enter my mind, tiring as I fought the rope
drag to clip the chains, I recalled a Spaniard who, after borrowing my rope to
replace the fifth hanger by hand that had fallen off during my attempt, too
gassed to clip grabbed the chains. Willing the pinch to hold and avoid such a
fate I reached up and it was over.
I cleaned the slings, headed to the pub for a glass of
celebratory wine before a refreshing dip in the cold Aegean. It was over, I had
sent on my terms. As I ran back to the beach through the crashing surf the sun
disappeared. A couple of hours later the skies would open, like my send,
slightly behind expectation but from my point of view, right on time.
Text and photos © 2012 Shawn Boye
Text and photos © 2012 Shawn Boye
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